A day in the life of Lydia

Well, today was quite a blur of activity.
It started out a bit slow as I awoke from a sound sleep. In less than an hour I was out the door walking to campus church. After the service I had less than thirty minutes to finish throwing together last minute things for our Outdoor Club "High Ropes Adventure." Most of the afternoon was spent at the top of a fifty-foot High Ropes tower.
The afternoon started with some pre-event orientation for a few of our Outdoor Club's trained belayers. I went through a little orientation with them and made sure the four other belayers felt comfortable with the course. Then two of them were off, driving back to campus to pick up our group from TFC.
While, they were gone, I went through some more orientation with the other two belayers and we finished setting up the course. While we were finishing set-up, the group arrived. My friend Megan, lowered me down from the top and we started into some safety instructions. We helped everyone get their harnesses helmets on. And after running through all the pertinent safety information, I climbed back up to the top of the tower.
The rest of the two and a half hours was spent hooking in a fairly consistent stream of students. Hauling zip-line gear, hooking it up to the zip-line, helping students get hooked in, and watching them have the time of their lives enjoying the 300 foot+ zip-line over the small lake on the camp property. I was also cheering the students on as they climbed, talking to them as they took a few minutes to catch their breathe at the top, and then helping them feel as comfortable as possible as they took that leap off the tower. (For some this took a few minutes of contemplation and encouragement. One can only imagine the thought processes that took place. . . why am I about to jump off the top of a 50 foot tower? Oh yeah. . .This is fun! . . . but wait I'm scared half to death and can't believe I'm doing this. . . okay let's go for it! . . . yes!!! This is awesome!).
Facilitating a High Ropes experience involves a lot of physical, relational, and emotional investment. As lead facilitator, there was a lot on my mind throughout the afternoon. . . safety of all those involved, professionalism as a high ropes facilitator, building relationships with fellow students, emotional support for those "scared out of their mind," :-) leadership for my fellow belayers, and helping everyone have a good time.
Overall, it was a good event. I enjoyed it! It was not too much different from the past two summers I've spent working on the tower. At the same time the group provided some neat dynamics. I enjoyed the moments spent with friends, meeting new people, and helping people experience a high ropes adventure for the first time. I felt like I was fully invested in it. I was using my experience and training as an outdoor leader in a way that helped people enjoy the outdoors. It provided a time where I could meet new people and interact with friends. It provided an environment where I could continue to hone in on some skills that I've acquired these past few years. There is always room for improvement and I'm excited about the opportunity to learn more and become a better facilitator in the years ahead.
Tonight at work monitoring the library computer labs, I'm feeling tired. It's been a full day but it is all worth it. (Just in case any of my readers think that I've been allotted too much fun by this outdoor leadership major, yesterday I spent eight hours studying for various papers, projects, and exams, in preparation for this fun day :-) And I thought that reading about those eight hours of studying would be less exciting than reading about this day.)
Anyway, this week promises to be pretty full as I anticipate working hard on homework and things in preparation for spring break. Let's just hope the night hours of sleep will pay off and I'll be ready to "rock out" with family and friends on our bi-annual camping trip! Oh yeah! Let me hear, who's excited?

Family and learning to love people

Family are the first people you meet in life. The people who will care when you pass out of this life. They are the ones who helped you learn to form your first words. They see you at your best and worst. They see your first steps and see your first fall... and the next one and the next one. Sometimes they understand what you are trying to say before you even know and other times they wonder how they ended up in the same family with you. They are there to celebrate some of life's triumphs and they see your failures. Family can provoke joy and hurt; laughter and tears.
To be honest, family has been on my mind a lot these last few weeks. Family is good. It is something that God made. A person's personality is shaped in the context of the people around them. As people step out of the context of their own family and start walking in broader circles, it starts giving them a more objective view of their family life. Sometimes it make you grateful. Other times it provokes questions. Still, other times, it brings pain. Everyone has a past, no matter what kind of situation you had in life. Being in a family where my parents loved and followed Jesus, I was spared a lot of the traumatic memories of things like divorce, abuse, drinking, and drugs. These were not a part of my childhood years. However, this does not exclude me from having a past. The affects of sin are seen in every person's family life. I have come to realize that no matter how long one lives in the context of "Christian circles," they are not sheltered from sin, sins affects, pain, hurt, or temptation. Everyone is born with a sin nature. Everyone has the opportunity to live for themselves and "do it their own way," hurting people in the process. In case you think this post is about "bashing family," I will tell you right up front that my motive is not to blame, bash, or critique my family or the family experience of anyone else. I will also admit that if anyone is blamed, I would have to be on that list too.
So, instead I'm just going to comment on some overarching observations I have about families. I will pull from personal experience, from ideas I've had growing up, and things I've learned through life experiences. I do this in an effort to process and gain a better perspective on life.
To start let me give you a little background. I was born the fourth of seven children. When I was born my family was in Europe studying French. From there, we moved to Africa where I learned English and Lingala. When we came back to the states, one of my cousins said that I spoke more Lingala than English. . . (maybe this is why I have a hard time remembering which word I'm trying to say every now and then -- English was my "second language" :-) . . . well not really but anyway -- just some comic relief.)
To continue the story, when I was three, we welcomed my younger brother into the world. He's been my buddy since I was little. Then at five, we welcomed my sister into our clan and five years later, my little sister, joined our tribe :o). It's been a joy to have such a full family life with lots of people to hang out with over the years! At age thirteen, my parents had one child who was about to head to college and two others already out of the house -- getting married or dating. When I was born, I was the "youngest child." Then, most of my years I played a "middle child" role. When my older siblings all moved out, I inherited the role of oldest child in the house for a few years (-- yes! . . .no longer "just one of the little ones.") Well, anyway, not being in the "little one" category brought it's own responsibilities.
Yes, it's been a joy to be in a big family. It's taught me a lot about people, responsibility, and life. I can share some good memories and bad memories. A good memory would be the times my younger siblings and I spent days and days building an "Indian village" in the woods next to our house -- complete with teepee's and a brick-lined trail winding all the way through it. (It was very well thought out -- we had our own campfire rings, hunting excursions, beds, visiting times, and meals to share :-)
Some hard memories come when I hit my teenage years and started wondering who I was. Well, when I introduced myself, I basically defined myself in the context of my family -- one of seven children. It took a long time to really understand who I was apart from them. My family shared a lot of things together. I learned some healthy and some unhealthy patterns of relating. We didn't talk a lot about conflict but somehow found ways to live with each other. We didn't always share feelings and tears openly but somehow managed to show that we really cared. This pattern of not sharing my deep feelings, has emerged as an unhealthy pattern of not being open to people and, in a way, withdrawing when I feel hurt, instead of finding a way to honestly share (okay. . . run-on sentence -- oops). Sometimes it's very hard to say, "that really hurt when you said that or did that." However, I've been learning that, in the right context, this is okay. It's healthy. No person is perfect. In fact, everyone will let you down at some point or another. There are ways to talk about it without blaming the other person. There are ways to talk without making the other person defensive or on edge. Sometimes that is the only way that healing and forgiveness will take place in relationships. So, I was very relieved to realize that God is the one who encourages these kinds of conversations. Without them, things just build up on the inside and relationships become more and more distant and shallow.
Well, it's been a journey in life as I've been trying to learn, unlearn, or relearn how to cultivate healthy relationships. I will be the first to say, there's still a lot of learning to do. For example, I don't enjoy confrontation, (does anyone?), but I realized that it's essential for healthy relationships to take place. I've been learning that when you talk to a person, you have to look at your own wrongs first (yikes! who really wants to go down that road?). After you deal with that, if it's still blocking the relationship, you have to go to that person (no way! That's the last thing you want to do right?) Well, it's actually the way to heal a relationships, to honor the person, and ultimately have true respect for yourself. Honor demands it. You know what? God honors this too. It's a freeing thing. Okay, let me get off my soap box now.
Another thing I'm trying to learn is how to really care about people. Okay. . . let me give you a glimpse into my life. Imagine. . . I'm in a new setting about to introduce myself. . . well how should I describe myself. How can we build some common ground? Well here's some interesting facts about me, that are different from your average person: I'm one of seven kids (wow - that's a lot of kids!); I've been homeschooled all the way through high school (what's that?); I didn't go straight to college after high school (what were you thinking?); I've spent at least one night in nine different countries (what planet are you from?); I'm majoring in Outdoor Leadership (what's that?); I want to eventually reach out to the unreached overseas (okay, so you're "one of those" kind of "missionary people"). . . so, if I haven't been stereotyped already. . . well I guess you get the point. . . People don't always know where to categorize people with a background like mine. They either seem to be turned off early on -- thinking they can't relate -- or they put me into another category for example -- sheltered, kind of different, interesting, weird, etc. It takes a bit of explaining to really help people get a picture of who I am and what has shaped my life. That's okay. It makes for some interesting conversations when people actually take some time to talk. I've found that even though I have a lot of interesting things that have shaped my life, it's not too difficult to build some bridges and find some common experiences to talk about (whether it's the living in another state or country, tackling some life experiences, experiencing an awkward moment in the outdoors, learning to play a musical instrument, doing odd jobs in construction or at a factory, living in a college dorm, etc).
Okay back to the idea of learning to love people. I've found that it's really a joy to find ways to relate to people through listening and learning how to ask the right questions. It's been cool to watch people express themselves and to "draw them out." I enjoy learning a lot about things by just asking questions about their experience and what they like to do. Not everyone likes to talk on this level. Some don't want to go that far. Some decide they can't relate and just shut down the conversation. Some may feel insecure and wonder where the conversation is going but I've found that listening and allowing people to talk is a great way to show you care. Over the past few years, I've been learning to share things about myself too. I used to have the tendency to just share facts and thoughts. Now I'm learning more about how to share stories (of life experiences) and feelings (in the right context of course.) It keeps life interesting. Sometimes, I start sharing and then realize (from the other person's blank stare) that they have no clue what I'm talking about or they don't really care(?). So, on that note, I realize building relationships takes time. It's impossible to relate to everyone. Lest you fall into the trap of trying to please everyone -- and run into the "people pleasing" trap, I heard from someone that about 13 out of 100 people in a crowd won't like you -- no matter how much you try to be nice to them or talk to them. So, okay, you don't have to please everyone. Not everyone will like you. The people you do get to know -- cherish those relationships. . . because you never know when life's circumstances will bring you apart. As the seasons of life change, one of you may have to move across country or change jobs, etc, and those relationships may not be as easy to build or maintain. So cherish what you have been given because genuine relationships are one thing that are not sold for money.
Well, enough thoughts for now. (Again, if you are not the "processing/deep thinking type" hopefully you won't feel obligated to read these long posts.) The main gist of this one is that family's help shape who you are -- both in good and bad ways at times. Learning to care about people is worth every ounce of time and investment, so don't give up. Live the adventure of building relationships and friendships.
For those interested, here's some verses that guided my thinking on some topics in this post: Matt 7:3-5; 18:15; Luke 17:3-4; Romans 12:18, James 1:19. I would also attribute a lot of the thoughts in this post to "words of wisdom" and conversations with others I've had along the way. So thank you to all who have invested in my life. These thoughts are still not "fully formed" or complete "conclusions" on things -- just some processing along the way. Let me know if you have thoughts to add.

Reflections

It's interesting how weekends, especially Friday nights in the lab set a reflective tone to the evening. This week has been busy, especially because I returned from a conference in Atlanta, GA on Sunday and thus did not get much of a 'weekend' last week. After diving straight into another busy week with classes, music practice, meetings, Outdoor Club events and projects, homework, work, and activities. Whew. . . it has been quite a week/two weeks.
Today I took a break and went for a walk with a friend. It had just started snowing here so we decided to walk down to the "Big Falls" on campus. After this, we walked past the sidewalk to our terraces and decided to look for a potential sledding hill. (Snow always has brought out the kid in me. . . Some of you know that more than others :-) .). We found some cardboard and for about forty minutes had a blast, sledding down some grassy/snowy slopes on campus.
As I got back to my room, I remarked to my roommate, "That made my day. . . just doing something that totally got my mind off of homework and everything." It was great!
Now I'm back to work (since I'm on shift monitoring the computer lab for five hours on a Friday evening, it only makes sense to try to get some homework done, even though at times, I'm tempted to just use the computer in front of me to waste time. The lab has been very quiet tonight).
I just finished a reading report and decided to take a break to update this blog before I start into making a study guide for tough test coming on Monday.
These last four weeks of class have been challenging. One would think that by now, after seven semesters, I would have "gotten the hang of" adjusting back to classes. Well, not quite. . . this semester, not only was I hit with future decisions to make (as I was in the application process for some potential jobs), but also a new leader position in the Outdoor Club. On top of that, I've had some heavy classes as several of my professors remarked early on, "I know that this is a lot of course reading of the semester but you are seniors now, so we know you can do it." In the midst of this, senioritis has tried to blindside me. I did not really understand senioritise until this semester. I think last semester I was so determined not to fail senior orals, that I simply refused to give in to any lack of motivation that tempted me to slack. Recently I took a few quizzes on reading assignments in some classes and got some bad grades back, I started just thinking, "I don't even care." Well, I know that attitude won't really help me get through the semester, so I realized something needed to change.
In the midst of all this, I came into the semester with a lot on my mind. It's almost like, because this chapter of my life is closing, suddenly many thoughts bombard me. I've been reflecting on my life up to this point, how it has prepared me for the future, and where I'm going from here (you know, nothing too weighty. . . :-)
The other day, I started thinking and I realized that the very word "reflection" is an interesting concept. If you think of it in terms of the reflection off of a pool of water. When one looks into the pool, there is a reflection of what is there. I've reflected on what has gone on in life, my patterns of relating to people -- healthy and unhealthy, my thought patterns on my perception of myself -- the good perceptions and not so good, the patterns of living -- good habits and bad, my thoughts about God -- good and bad. Some of these patterns, reflected a good picture in that "pool of water." Other patterns, made me want to run away or cover my face. It is tough to "look in the mirror" every now and then. However, I think that it is good because it helps one see reality; a more honest reflection of yourself, the way you treat others, and life.
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to deceive yourself and "think more of yourself than you ought," as Paul describes it (Rom 12:3)? I think that it's healthy to have confidence and not to go around timidly questioning everything you do or say because you fear what others might think. However, at the same time, it is easy to walk in a self-deceptive facade and not realize some unhealthy life patterns, thinking you are something and then realizing you are not.
As I go through this time of "reflecting," at times, I've felt like I've been in a wrestling match between believing the truth or a lie. As I've sought to know that truth, here are some verses that have helped (1 John 1:6,9, 2:9-11, John 8:32, Prov 2:1-11).
As you read this, you may wondering what I'm dealing with and if I'm "okay." I'm a deep thinker sometimes and that might scare off some of you who do not have that tendency. However, this time of reflection has been good. It has helped me process some things. It is not always the way that everyone makes transitions, but this is how it has gone for me. No, I'm not planning on doing anything drastic. It's just been a time of thinking and reflection.
As this chapter at TFC comes to a close, there has been a lot of thoughts along the way, which may be evident in the next few posts. Writing helps me process, so I hope, as you read (or just skim through, if don't really enjoy "deep thinker" processing), you will see it not necessarily as conclusions reached but more as reflections as I process some things. I welcome your thoughts in the midst of the journey. I may or may not agree with you every time but it's always helpful to bounce ideas off another person. Okay, this post has already gotten a LOT longer than I anticipated, so I better leave off here.
If you want to read a verse or two that relates to this idea of "reflection" here's one: James 1:23-24.

Joy in the midst of tears

Today I was confronted by the love of God. I was reading in John 15 about the lost sheep and the prodigal son. I can't remember where I heard it but one time someone said that sometimes a shepherd would have to break the leg of a straying lamb -- if it got in the habit straying and he needed to teach it to stay with him. This was a bit of a hassle for the shepherd because he would end up having to carry the lamb on his shoulders. Now this passage is about the lost sheep and a person turning to God in repentance. At the same time it provides a good picture of how believers act sometimes.
I realized how many times I've been like a sheep, trying to stray.
Hebrews 12:4-5a stats, "My son, do not make light the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves" (NIV).
---Wow! Talk about tough love. God's love is very gentle and also very firm. He will not let us continue to sin. He will not condone our sinful patterns forever. At some point, He comes and confronts us. At first, it is the last thing we want to hear. I would rather talk to God about how faithful He is or how He has good plans for my life -- anything else but that. However, He eventually starts walking us down that road. It's painful. It is almost overwhelming, when we realize how we've wronged other people and how sin has worked its own pattern of death in relationships. Sin affects, not just the person who did the wrong but also the one who was wronged and ultimately God. When God sees us in this endless cycle of sin and hurt, He eventually must confront us. His love demands it.
This is the hardest road to walk but when we respond and choose to own up to our sin and turn away from it, it is also the most freeing. God sets us free to forgive, to love, and ultimately to be able to live our lives for His glory. Otherwise we are caught in an endless pattern of sin and death and shallow relationships.
Let's end these thoughts by looking at the example of the prodigal son. When he returned home the father welcomed him back. The older son did not. The father confronted the older son and he still refused. The father could have just left the older son to himself but instead he showed his far-reaching love and confronted him, inviting him to join in. When the son refused, he did not offer to support his resentful behavior. He left him with the invitation to join in on the celebration. That's a lot like our Father God. He doesn't condone our sin. He gently confronts it and then offers us a way to come back to him. He will not support our sinful attitudes or resentment but he will receive us if we turn back.
Praise God for a love that goes beyond the surface and reaches deep into the recesses of our hearts. I'm very thankful that He provides true joy in the midst of tears. He gives us hope even when we see the darkness of our sinful hearts. If we will confess our sins and 'do it His way,' then we find peace. The world says, 'have it your way'; but we must learn how to let God have it His way. Anyway, just some thoughts to ponder. .
some lessons I'm trying to learn along this journey called life.

Made it back!

About an hour ago I made it back to campus! It's good to be back. I'm a bit travel weary but things are good. I've unpacked the car and started checking some e-mails, etc. I'm not sure what this semester will bring. Each semester brings it's own unique joys and challenges. Here's what my basic class/work schedule looks like:

Monday/Wednesday/Friday
9am Religious Belief Systems
10am chapel (*No chapel on Fridays)
11am History and Philosophy of Christian Education
12noon Scientific Literacy
7-11pm Work (*Every other Friday work 6-11pm)

Tuesday/Thursday
8:30am Power Encounter
10am chapel/Barnabus Group
11-12:15pm Leadership Formation
1:30pm (Thursday) Violin Lesson
*Tuesday evening small group

Tomorrow we get Martin Luther King Jr Day off. It will be nice to have a time to get all my textbooks, buy food, unpack, finish some applications, and get settled before classes begin on Tuesday.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" (NIV Prov 3:5-6).

He's got the whole world!

He's got the whole world. . .
in His hands
He's got the whole world. . .
in His hands
He's got the whole world
in His hands
He's got the whole world in His hands.
He's got you and me sister. . .
in His hands
He's got you and me sister. . .
in His hands
He's got you and me sister. . .
in His hands
He's got the whole world in His hands.

(Sometimes the simplest song, expresses the most joyous truth)

Finals Week

It's great to be done with final exams. Now there are only two meetings to attend tomorrow for two classes and then helping with the Rock Climbing final on Thursday.
The Lord willing, I will be heading to AL on Thursday afternoon!
"The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made" (NIV Ps. 145:13b).